


it don't matter

by ThisJoyAndI



Category: Nashville (TV)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post 4x11, Postpartum Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 15:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6290110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisJoyAndI/pseuds/ThisJoyAndI
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(how many times i let you go)<br/>Layla's revelation forces Avery to intervene yet again on Juliette's behalf. 'She’ll make me lie for her, make me pretend that we’re happy and in love, but she doesn’t even have the decency to tell me the whole story.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	it don't matter

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I'm complete Juliette and Avery trash. Even when one of them isn't present in an episode. I'm not even a little bit sorry.

In the end, it’s Layla who tells him. Her revelation comes late at night at their second recording session, Glenn out in the hallway ordering them food and coffee. Avery's trying to think of an excuse to make to wrap up for the night, desperate for sleep and to see his daughter when Layla steps out of the booth slowly, hair scrapped back from her face. He offers her a tentative smile, swivelling around in his chair to face her as she sits down on the couch, running her hands idly over the fabric. Layla’s quieter than he’s used to in an artist, but he doesn’t mind the silence. They’ve only been working together for two sessions, but she takes his advice whenever he offers it, and she’s stubborn enough when she wants to be. Her sound is easy enough to work with, and he thinks that between her beautifully written songs and his efforts at producing them, they’re going to have a great album on their hands. He knows she and Juliette despise each other, but he’s grateful to Layla for giving him the opportunity to produce her album – and working alongside Glenn once again has been great, seeing as the man understands entirely the issues Avery is currently facing and nothing but a wealth of sound advice.

Layla drags her eyes up from the couch, meeting his. Her silence tonight has been somewhat unnerving, making Avery glad that Glenn has, at least for now, chosen to accompany his newest client to her recording sessions.  He misses Sadie’s nonstop chatter, misses Juliette’s random outbursts whenever a song wasn’t coming together the way she imagined it in her head. But a pay check is a pay check, and lord knows he needs the money. Cadence’s mother might be Juliette Barnes herself, but he isn’t going to take anything from her, not when he’s the one with sole custody of their daughter. Cadence is his responsibility, and surely he can provide for a not yet year old child.

The moment he wonders what exactly is taking Glenn so long, that’s the moment Layla speaks, the first words she’s spoken all night that haven’t been sung or less than two syllables.

“You know how Jeff died?” she questions him, lacing her hands together. With her hair pulled back, her face free of makeup, Avery is reminded of just how young she is. Too young to have gone through such much heartache, but hey, haven’t they all? His wedding band is once again on his finger, just in case any paparazzi decide to descend on the studio, despite his desire to be free of the item once and for all.

He nods, afraid to actually speak. Everyone knows how Jeff died. A freak accident, a suicide. Slice it however you like, he’s dead, and although Avery feels sorry for those who miss him, like Layla, he’ll never grieve the man’s passing, not after everything that occurred between them. Layla sucks in a breath, noisily, unlacing her fingers. She’s visibly anxious, and Avery arches an eyebrow in confusion, wondering just what she’s going to say next.

“It wasn’t a suicide.” Layla laughs, a short, humorous less sound. “I know that’s what even the police said it was, but it wasn’t.”

Avery’s eyebrow raises even further, his lack of understanding clearly written on his face. Layla shrugs at him, but his confusion doesn’t stop her from continuing. “It was Juliette’s fault,” she tells him. “Your wife,” she spits out bitterly, “let the man I love die.” Layla scoffs. “And she won’t even admit to it, the coward.”

Avery can hardly breathe, hardly think. All he can manage to say is, “How – how do you know?”

Layla looks at him for a moment, pity in her eyes. “I have a reliable source. One who saw exactly what happened and told me the truth.” She leans forward, propping her head up in her hands. “And then I decided that you deserve to know the truth too. Because although there must be some part of you that still loves Juliette, seeing as you’re happy enough to continue the façade of a happy family, even when she’s god knows where doing god knows what…surely even you can’t love a murderer. Because that’s what she is. She may not have meant to do it, but she did. She let Jeff die.”

Speechless, Avery struggles for a retort. He can hear Glenn out in the hallway, cheerily greeting the delivery man, and he knows that their time is limited. Still, he cannot think of what to say. Should he deny the entire thing, laugh it off as a delusion? Should he protest her claims that they aren’t one big happy family?

In the end, Layla speaks before he does. “So now you know,” she murmurs, somewhat sadly. “And soon enough, so will the rest of the world.”

\---

He pleads ill as soon as Glenn renters the room, escaping as quickly as he can. Heart thumping in his chest, he fumbles for his keys, running a hand through his hair as he struggles to think. Surely Layla’s lying. She’s grieving, and people in pain say unthinkable things. If Juliette had tried to kill herself, wouldn’t he have been contacted? He’s still her husband, after all. Drumming his fingers on his steering wheel, he sucks in a shallow breath, shaking his head.

Layla’s lying. She’s inconsolable with grief, because there is no way in hell Juliette would ever think to kill herself. No way someone like Jeff Fordham could die saving her, and the entire world wouldn’t find out. She’s been so anxious to keep her time in the treatment centre a secret, forcing him into lying for her, that surely if what Layla says is true she’d be worried about keeping that under wraps too. Jeff’s death has been ruled a suicide, his funeral reported on the local news, with Luke Wheeler and other industry bigshots in attendance. No one aside from Layla really cares at all that much about it now, because his death has been given a reason, the man himself buried.

It can’t be true. Because if it’s true, that means that it took a man literally dying for Juliette to realise that she needed help, and the thought makes him sick. If it’s true, that means some part of Juliette wanted to end it all, leave Cadence without a mother and leave him always wondering why, wondering what he could have done to prevent such a thing from occurring.

It can’t be true, but as he turns the key in the ignition, he wonders – what if it is?

And once he starts thinking that, he can’t stop.

\---

Emily is dozing on the couch when he finally makes it home, driving twice around Nashville in an attempt to clear his mind. A book is splayed open on her chest, her hair loose around her face, and when he sees her, he can’t help but think about how easy everything would have been if he’d only fallen in love with Emily. But he’s seemingly destined to love complicated women, women whom like nothing more than to lie about everything, keep him entirely in the dark and feed him only the information they want repeated. In that moment, Avery placing his bag down on the bench, the fondness he felt when he first walked in and saw Emily asleep is swiftly replaced by anger. Here he is, struggling to make sense of everything, with Juliette only deeming him worthy of knowing of how great her treatment is going. He suspects that he’ll never know the whole story, and he has to think – does Emily know? Is Juliette’s freaking assistant more privy to the situation than her husband, the father of her daughter, is? He laughs, bitterly, loudly, and the sound wakes Emily up. She blinks in the dim lighting, easing herself upright.

“Did you know?” he asks, not allowing her a moment to adjust. Layla’s revelation has rattled him to his core, his hands shaking as he awaits Emily’s answer. She furrows her brow, her hair somewhat mussed from her nap.

“Know what, Avery?” she replies, slowly, calmly, in the exact same tone she uses to quieten Cadence. It irritates him, and he bites down hard on his lip.

“Did you know Juliette tried to kill herself?”

No answer. Instead, Emily looks at him, entirely awake and wide-eyed. She opens her mouth as if to speak, but shuts it again rapidly, as if she’s afraid of what she shall say.

He exhales shakily. “You did know. Hell, does everyone in this freaking town besides me know?” He slams his hand down on the bench, the sound echoing in the quiet house. A part of him hopes that his outburst won’t wake Cadence up, but a part of him doesn’t care. “She’s my freaking wife, and yet I’m somehow not allowed to know that she tried to kill herself! She’ll make me lie for her, make me pretend that we’re happy and in love, but she doesn’t even have the decency to tell me the whole story.” He glares at Emily, anger flooding his veins. “And you’re constantly trying to convince me to go see her, see how well she’s doing. How am I supposed to believe that when no one ever bothers to tell me the truth anymore?”

“She wants to tell you,” Emily begins, quiet. He scoffs.

“Avery, she does. But how if she supposed to, when you’ve refused to go and see her. That kind of news shouldn’t be told over the phone. Not that you’d answer if she called anyway.”

“I deserved to know,” he exclaims, furious. “I deserve to at least know the truth.”

Emily nods. “You did. You do. And now you know. And I have to ask -does it change anything?”

Avery sighs, rubbing a hand over his brow. “Go home Emily.”

Thankfully, she does, leaving without another word. He pours himself a generous splash of whiskey, sculling the liquid in one gulp and pouring himself another. By the time he stumbles up the stairs, quite noisily, and into his bedroom, he’s well on his way to drunk and feeling rather melancholy. His wife tried to kill herself, and he wasn’t deemed important enough to be privy to that information. Avery runs a finger clumsily over Cadence’s cheek, his daughter twitching away from the feeling as she sleeps.

Cadence sleeps but despite the alcohol he ingested he seemingly cannot, Avery curled up in his bed but unable to fall asleep.

_Juliette tried to kill herself. Juliette tried to kill herself. Juliette tried to kill herself._

\---

The next morning there’s bags under his eyes and a throbbing headache ringing in his ears, but Cadence is happily squealing in her crib and he has an early morning studio recording he needs to get to. As much as he’d love to stay in bed, he can’t. Not even Layla’s unwelcome revelation is going to stop today from happening. He hands Cadence over to Emily, giving her a slightly disgruntled greeting and snags a banana on his way to the studio, tired and hungover and wanting the day to be done already.

Layla is surprisingly cheery when he arrives at the studio, Avery shrugging in response when Glenn asks him how he’s feeling after last night. Whereas Layla was the sullen, withdrawn one last night, today he is, with Layla happy and belting out song after song. It is almost as if telling Avery the truth has lifted a weight from her, a weight he’d really rather not have to shoulder. But they finish their tasks quicker than expected, and as they’re packing up Avery takes Layla to one side.

“Do you know why?” he whispers. The question has been plaguing him all night – why? Why did Juliette want to kill herself? He knows she’s got post-partum, knows that she hasn’t been getting the support she needs, but why? After everything they’ve been through, why did she think the only way out was death? Why was she so ready to leave Cadence without a mother?

Layla shrugs, closing her bag. “I don’t. You probably know more than me when it comes to Juliette’s mental state.” She offers him a soft smile, one that reminds him once again of her youth. Glenn opens the door for them, and she turns to walk away.

“You can’t tell anyone,” he murmurs, a hand on her upper arm. Layla looks back at him over her shoulder. “You can’t.” He’s still trying to protect Juliette, even after everything. Even he knows that it’s somewhat pathetic.

“I have to. People deserve to know the truth. Jeff,” she says, somewhat shakily, “Jeff deserves to be remembered as a hero, not a coward. I don’t care what kind of image Juliette’s trying to maintain. Jeff died because he saved her, and people deserve to know that.”

Layla departs without another word, Avery left speechless in the now empty room.

\---

He thinks about telling Juliette that Layla is close to spilling all her secrets, thinks about letting Emily know that she should inform her, but. What good will that do? Surely reminding Juliette of what happen will only hinder her progress, her recovery, and as much as he dislikes the position she’s put him in, he isn’t going to tell her that she needs to deal with Layla herself, not when it took her so long to seek help. No, he’s going to deal with this himself, because it effects not only Juliette, but Cadence as well. Cadence deserves to have an active, loving mother, and letting Layla spill all of Juliette’s secrets to the unforgiving public isn’t going to help his daughter get that. Besides, surely, he can talk some sense into Layla, make her realise that what she’s planning to do won’t bring Jeff back. If she tells everyone the truth, it is only going to cause more unwanted pain.

Layla cancels their next recording session unexpectedly, an hour before they’re due in. Glenn phones to tell him, murmuring an apology, to which Avery expresses concern for Layla. He knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s avoiding him, afraid that her plan to tell everyone the truth will be derailed if he gets a chance to speak with her.

But there’s more ways to convince someone other than face to face. Begrudgingly, Will lets Avery use his phone to call Layla, picking Cadence up and twirling her around the living room as the phone rings and rings. For a moment Avery fears that Layla won’t answer, that she somehow knows exactly what he’s going to do before he even does it, but the next moment there’s a soft hello on the other line and Avery exhales slowly.

“Layla, hi.” He speaks quickly, the words all rolling into one another. “Please don’t hang up on me, please hear me out. I know you cancelled our recording session because you don’t care what I have to say, but please. I know it’s wrong of me to dupe you into answering the phone by calling you from Will’s, but I didn’t have any other way. Please, listen to me.”

“You haven’t said anything,” Layla replies, a retort that makes Avery laugh before he can stop himself. Will quirks a brow at him, Cadence held aloft in his arms, but Avery merely shakes his head and turns his attention back to Layla. “You’re begging me to listen to you, but you’ve yet to say anything of importance.”

“You’re right,” he agrees. “It’s just – I thought you’d hang up on me before I’d even get a chance to speak, so I figured begging was the best option.”

“I still could. Hang up on you, I mean. That is, if you don’t start talking. I’m honestly intrigued. I want to know what you’re going to say that’s magically going to convince me that I shouldn’t tell everyone the truth.”

Avery swallows, Will’s phone pressed tight to his ear. Surprisingly he misses the cool metal of his wedding band, misses the clarity it could provide him with as of this very moment. “Cadence needs her mother.”  Layla’s quiet on the other end, so he continues. “And I’m not saying she won’t have her mother if you tell the truth, but. It’s taken Juliette this long to seek help. I can’t see how you telling the truth is going to do anything other than make her relapse. I’m sorry for your loss, I really am. I may not have liked Jeff all that much, but you loved him, and I like you. But isn’t it time for the heartache to stop? Isn’t it time that someone puts their foot down and decides enough is enough? Otherwise, where are we going to go from here? You tell the truth, Juliette relapses, Cadence grows up with a mother part of her life. The only outcome I can see happening from this is more pain for everyone involved.”

He hears Layla inhale shakily. “Will’s told me of your rocky relationship with your parents. My own dad isn’t entirely a piece of cake to deal with, so I can sympathise. And Juliette’s mom wasn’t that great either, although she definitely tried to make up for her past mistakes. Doesn’t Cadence deserve a chance at a better childhood than mine or yours? Or Juliette’s? Juliette’s mom was hardly around when she was growing up. I don’t want the same for my daughter. I want Juliette to get better, I want her to be part of Cadence’s life, and I want us all to have a chance at happiness again.”

He’s started to cry without even realising, his tears echoed by Layla. “Jeff knew what he was doing when he stepped out on that rooftop. He saved Juliette’s life, even though it meant losing his own. I’ll never be able to repay him for that, but you telling everyone the truth isn’t going to bring him back.”  

“I know that,” Layla murmurs. “It’s just – I don’t know what else to do. I’m just so angry. All this time, I knew something was up. Everyone tried to tell me that nothing could have stopped Jeff’s death, that it was inevitable, but I knew deep down that they were wrong.”

“I get that you’re angry. I do. But taking your anger out on a woman who is trying, really hard by the way, to get better? How is that going to make you feel any better yourself? I’m sure Juliette never meant for Jeff to get hurt. I know they had their issues, but at the end of the day he was just as concerned about her as I am.” He inhales sharply, rubbing at the furrows on his brow. “It should have been me, Layla. Not Jeff. I’m her husband, her daughter’s father. I should have realised something more was going on with her than just the usual Juliette Barnes drama. It should have been me up on that rooftop with her, but it wasn’t. And I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am that I wasn’t there.”

Layla releases a tired sigh, the sound of her sadness evident even over the phone. In the next moment, he drives his point home, no matter how horrible begging her not to share the truth with the world makes him feel. “Jeff wouldn’t want you to tell everyone the truth. Juliette was his client, and he tried so hard to make sure everyone thought she was fine. And she is, now. She’s better than ever, they tell me. But no one’s going to take her seriously if you tell the truth. And Jeff…well. They’ll just see Jeff as yet another manager with an off-the-rails client, not as the man who saved Juliette. The truth of that night is something that’ll have to stay between us, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”  

He has nothing more to say. Layla’s quiet for a moment, and he fears that she’s hung up on him, that nothing he’s said over the course of the last ten minutes has made any impact whatsoever. Then, he hears her exhale loudly. “I won’t tell anyone,” she murmurs, quietly, as if speaking softly will ensure he doesn’t hear her. But he does, and his heart races in his chest. _The things he does for Juliette_ , he thinks, before turning his attention back to Layla. “Not because I care particularly all that much about Juliette’s image, but because I care about you. And your daughter. You’re right, me telling the truth isn’t going to magically bring Jeff back. I get that. And it isn’t going to make me feel better. It’s only going to hurt more people, people like your daughter, people who deserve to have a better chance at happiness than I do.”

“Thank you,” is seemingly all he can say. “You’re doing the right thing.”

“Then why do I still feel so shitty?” Layla asks. Avery struggles for a reply, before she begins speaking once more, louder this time. “I want Juliette to do something for me in return though.”

“Anything.”

“I want her to set up a foundation – a charity. For people struggling with depression, mental illness, post-partum depression. Anything.”

“I’m sure she’d be more than happy to do that.” Set up a foundation that allows her to bring to light her own struggles with post-partum depression whilst pledging to help others with their fight? It’s the type of opportunity Juliette, if he knows her at all after all these months apart, is likely to jump at.

“And I want her to name it after Jeff. He deserves to have a lasting legacy, something other than being Juliette’s manager or the Edgehill CEO that got his own company dissolved.”

“I’ll make sure of it.”

“Okay. And I want you in the studio at ten a.m. sharp tomorrow.” She laughs, a broken sound. “I have nothing else in my life aside from this album, so we’re going to make damn sure it’s a good one.”

Layla hangs up the call without a goodbye, but Avery doesn’t have it within him to care. Placing Will’s phone down the bench he slumps forward, head in his hands, and breathes shallowly, unable to believe what he’s just accomplish. And, no matter how hard he tries to convince himself otherwise, accomplished all for a woman who left him without a second thought, left him to raise their daughter alone when they’d promised to be a family, a _real_ family.

“That sounded,” Will struggles for the word, Cadence thankfully preoccupied with her doll, oblivious to the drama that seemingly now makes up their daily lives, “…intense, I guess.”

Avery nods, pouring himself a glass of cold water and drinking quickly. “You have no idea. One of the many burdens that come with being Juliette Barnes’ baby daddy, I suppose.” He offers Will a smile. “I’m sorry I had to use your phone. Sorry I had to take advantage of your relationship with Layla.”

Will laughs, shrugging as he rises to his feet and comes to sit at Gunnar’s kitchen bench. “Don’t worry about it. It’s definitely not as bad as me making her believe I was straight, marrying her and then humiliating her on the reality show I made her be a part of. Layla and I…we’ve been through worse. She’ll get over it.”

“I hope so,” he says, referencing not only his use of Will’s phone but also Jeff’s death. “She deserves to be happy.”

“Don’t we all,” Will murmurs, looking over his shoulder at Cadence. Out of all the people that have lived in this house, his daughter by far seems to be the happiest. Sometimes, he envies Cadence her innocence, her naivety. His daughter is content every morning when she wakes, secure in the knowledge that she is loved and has someone to take care of her. He only wish he could say the same.

\---

The next few weeks are incredibly mundane. He goes back and forth from the studio, working odd hours whenever Layla needs him and recruits Emily to take care of Cadence. She tries to tell him about their latest visits with Juliette, but he waves her away, unable to care about anything else other than musical chords and lyrics. The only thing he has to say to Juliette is Layla’s request, and even that he’ll let Emily pass on for him. Without thinking, he’s somehow come to her rescue yet again, and he despises himself for it. How is he ever going to move on when he won’t even let himself try?

There’s a woman that works at the local coffee shop, a redhead by the name of Olivia who always greets Cadence enthusiastically whenever he brings her along with him. The third time they talked, Olivia’s break coinciding with his arrival, she told him all about her son, a boy six months or so older than Cadence. It’s been nice, having someone to talk to who knows all about the struggles of raising a child by yourself. He’s sure she recognises who he is, but she’s never said anything to him, and he’s grateful for that. She’s the type of woman he could see himself with, someone nice, someone stable.

But for some reason, despite all of his declarations to do so, he just cannot move on. He’s an utter idiot for doing so, but he still loves Juliette.

Layla’s on the phone to him when the doorbell rings, the house empty aside from him and Cadence. She’s frantic on the other line, desperately trying to convince him to come into the studio with her, but he has no one to watch Cadence. He shakes his head soundlessly as he stands up from the couch, both at the doorbell and at Layla, who is now trying to convince him to ‘just bring Cadence along, Glenn would love to see her!’ But no matter how amicable Layla may seem towards both him and his daughter, there’s no way in hell he’s doing that. Layla’s ideas can be written down and they can wait until tomorrow for their booked recording session. This afternoon is one he plans to spend with his daughter.

He eases the door open, and murmurs a quick, “I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And then, in the next breath, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be here. I know that I’ve caused you so much pain,” Juliette tells him. Her hair is shorter, but other than that she’s exactly how he remembers her. No picture or television interview could ever quite match up to the real thing, so he’s been constantly afraid that he’s forgetting the small details, the freckles on her nose, the hue of her eyes.  But she’s here, standing right in front of him, _real_. She looks healthy, more content than he’s ever seen her, and he supposes he wouldn’t be as shocked by her appearance as he is if he’d only listened to Emily and visited her himself.

“But we need to talk,” Juliette continues.  Visibly nervous, she plays with her wedding ring, twisting it around her finger. She looks up at him, offers him a small smile that make it hard for him to breathe. She has no idea the effect she has. “Can I come in?”

Avery steps to the side.  

**Author's Note:**

> Most of this will probably be proven false by the show when Juliette returns (either next week or in a few weeks, I don't care, she's coming back so that's all that matters!) but still. After that ep, and that freaking promo, I just needed to write this. It's been far too long since Juliette and Avery have been on my screen together. I'm ready. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
